Please, come again to born through my womb !!

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 - Laxmi gautam (www.laxmipratisthan.org)
To My departed sons and parts of my heart who left me too soon.
 
I had always hoped to spend my life with you two. To my horrible misfortune, even though you both came through my womb and you were grown up in my lap, my dream of spending the rest of my life in your company ended in vain. Kumar, when you were born as our first child, our happiness knew no bounds. You came to this world at the month of July when I was looking after a cow who had just delivered a calf, thinking the same pain as mine. Despite the severe physical pain, I was relieved to see your coming since you were my future and a pearl through my womb. My physical weakness and the unlimited happiness from your arrival both made me trembled a lot. All the house was full of rejoice with every member of the family celebrating your arrival. The days were passed happily with your presence. After 3 years, Balram, you also came as our second son to add happiness to the family. The astrologer prepared your horoscopes and told us that Kumar will be the protector and the preserver of the family and added that having the horoscope sign of Leo, his nature will be like a lion and always likes to lead as opposed to working under anyone. He described Balram as the Light of our family who will earn name and prestige inside and outside the country. In your childhood, when both of you were in the terrace, it was like a spectacle to us. Our hearts were torn apart even at your minor wounds. As the days went on, your height and size also grew, you started going to school. My eyes were always looking for your arrivals turn by turn till 4 o clock. When I could see you both coming back from school, there was a feeling of a kind of relieved happiness circulated through my veins to the entire body and I used to kiss you and hug both of you turn by turn. At our happiness and at our sorrow, we were always relieved by seeing our future in you two. Later your younger sister and brother were born. Since you two were already grown up, you begin taking care of them by bathing, cleaning, clothing and feeding. When you carried your younger siblings to the school, we felt that none of the sorrow in the world would touch us. I considered myself as the happiest person in the world. Later, as you began assisting your Papa in the shop before and after your school even in your uniforms, I was full of glad. I was surprised to see you when you were responsibly assisting your Papa with your hungry stomachs even without eating the meal prepared by me. As the time went on its course, you both became grown up and joined the respective colleges It was a moment of pride and joy and I used to pray to the god for everyone to provide the joy I had. Kumar, you became engaged in the field of tourism after your academic studies. When you presented your first earning of 25,000 rupees to your Papa, I felt our country was really prosperous. I was worried why our other brothers and sons have remained unemployed. I will always remain grateful to Suresh Maharjan and Surya Travels who introduced you in this field. Dear son Balram, when you went to the US on 30th July, 2004, I controlled myself by seeing the tears in your friends\\' eyes which showed their love towards you. I told your friends to control them and not to cry as you would come back soon and I wiped their tears and kissed each of them. When they also hugged me in turn, I was glad to have many sons in your friends. It seems like yesterday when your father and brother Kumar came back with sad face after seeing you off at the airport as I questioned them \\\why are you sad?\\' As time went on, when I was sad missing you, the news of your achievements like Vice President\\'s Honor, President\\'s Honor and Student of the Year Award delighted me and my feet were above the ground. I used to kiss your Papa, brother Kumar, sister Saru and brother Krishna with pride. My dear Kumar, as you took tourists alongside our house, you used to introduce us as your parents and we used to stay in a line to pose for the photos. Which mother wouldn\\'t be happy in this situation? As you cuddle the cheeks of your elderly 84 year old grandfather and 78 years old grandmother by joking if you could remarry them. At this, your grandparents used to pretend as if they were angry with your joke. When you were late to come back home, your younger sister and brother were desperate to see you as the fish without water. You were closer to them rather than us.
 
In 2008, your Papa went to the village of Anekot for the construction of resort. As your father always talked that this country is prosperous, I used to think everybody is worried about the country. As you committed to join hands with your father in his mission, I used to be full of proud and wish the God to give you good continuation to your social thought. But Alas! The night of 29th December turned out to be the darkest night of our lives which eclipsed all our happiness. That night the cruel fate snatched you away from us forever in a motorcycle accident in less than a kilometer away from our house. At the untimely death of younger people, I used to feel sad and cried at seeing their cremations, how could I bear this fate, O my heart! O my boy. Where are you? Tell me O my soul! Why do you leave your mother and the family by making us like an orphan? Where are you? Dear son where are you? My dear son you left me but I can do nothing except than wishing to the almighty for your eternal peace. May you rest in heaven. After the demise of your brother, Balram, you were the hope for all the family, you used to relieve me by telling you will look after us after your brother was gone. You were always peaceful and smiling, my Buddha! Great soul having the spirit of helpfulness!! My dream! Balu, you were widening our prestige abroad through education. But you also departed in a shocking tragedy occurred on 3rd October, 2009 in the foreign land. O God why are you so cruel? What mistake had I committed? For what offense are you punishing me repeatedly? Why did you tear my hearts apart? Today is the first anniversary of Laxmi Pratisthan, established in your memory to pay our true tributes to you. When we thought deeply, we came to realize that we had no other alternatives other than accepting the eternal and inevitable truth of death after birth. We are forced to tolerate the grief and agony no matter how painful it is. My wish to pass the rest of my life with you has come to an end but we are trying to search your faces in the faces of many helpless brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers in this world. We are trying to work for the continuation of your good deeds by helping them to stand in their own feet. Your father who had never worked hard before, he is also taking me from villages to villages from one corner to another in the search your images in thousands of people in which your loving cousin Arjun, your brother and sister and your true friends and helping us to achieve our goals and made us coming until now. Hope both of you are safe in heaven looking down to us being God. May Laxmi Pratisthan be successful in completing the rest of the works left by you. Provide us your protection. If possible, please come to take rebirth in my womb in another cycle of creation. In this life it was not possible to spend the rest of my life and die in your laps, I hope to do so in next life, lot of desires are still remained to be fulfilled. And then we will make frequent visits to different parts of beautiful, peaceful and prosperous Nepal as imagined by you. Just please come to take rebirth in my womb. In your fond memories. Mother Laxmi Gautam a god. i hope they will come to born through same womb again.

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